“[We have] to appreciate the idea that the values of the world we inhabit and the people we surround ourselves with have a profound effect on who we are.”
– Malcolm Gladwell
Earlier this month I spent a week in Chicago catching up with a city that I love and friends from various chapters of my life. It was the perfect week. Great weather, great food, lots of walking around the beautiful city, the Frank Lloyd Wright architecture tour in Oak Park, but best of all – top notch quality time with my village.
Throughout the week I had the opportunity to connect with nine different strong, empowered, intelligent, amazing women I’m lucky enough to have in my circle. I was intentional about the meet-ups, and very grateful for the time. The more I reflect on the week, the more I realize just how much these friends truly “level up” my game.
On a recent road trip, I was listening to Malcolm Gladwell’s “Outliers” on audiobook; a line jumped out at me in a unique way: “[We have] to appreciate the idea that the values of the world we inhabit and the people we surround ourselves with have a profound effect on who we are.”
I had heard this years ago – phrased similarly – something along the lines of, “you become who you surround yourself with.”
I was a young adult when I remember first having heard that idea and I remember the concept struck me in the moment, so I decided to take inventory of the folks to whom I was giving my time and attention. Some were gold! Others, though, were chronic smack talkers. A few were just coasting through life with no real sense of purpose or direction and no desire for more. Some were complete energy vampires – constant negativity.
Meanwhile, I was trying to develop myself as a professional. I was seeking and soul-searching what path I wanted to lay out for my career. I was trying to grow and be better in every area of my life. At that moment, I realized that some of the folks I was associating with in my free time were bringing me down. I thought to myself, dang, there is a lot of truth to that statement. I made some tough decisions to graduate out of a few of those friendships. It wasn’t always easy to break ties, but I felt it was necessary.
I prefer the way Malcolm Gladwell wrote it. I’ve come to realize in my own life, that the people in my circle really have had a profound impact on who I am and how I have grown. And I am grateful that I have carefully curated a rad, kind-hearted, intelligent group of close friends around this globe.
Look, friends, I’m certainly not trying to encourage a complete cleanse and reset of your friends and loved ones (unless that’s seriously necessary), just an idea that these could be some healthy questions to revisit from time to time. Because after all, the people we surround ourselves with do have a profound impact on who we are and how we see the world. But only you get to choose whether that impact is aligned with what you want, and who you want to be.
If you’re unsure how to answer – or you’re not happy with how you answer – the questions above, reach out! I’m always here to guide you through scenarios such as these.